i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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