i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
