I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
