I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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