saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
