I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just pynch a tree in the face
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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