her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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