I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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