I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
