why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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