And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
