Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
