He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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