a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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