Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
