I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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