I think I won the penis lottery.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
