Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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