apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
