I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
