So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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