Where did you get a picture of my penis
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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