Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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