im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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