Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
