dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
