I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
