My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
