Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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