nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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