i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
