Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
