so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
