Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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