I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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