Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
