just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
