I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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