Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
