I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
