i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
