Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
