Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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