he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
