at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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