So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
