I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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