she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
