I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
