The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
