i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
