The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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