Yo dont text me then not text me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
