Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did i walk over a car last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
