As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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