Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
