Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
