what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
