You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
