if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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