Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
