I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
