Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
