I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
