my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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