just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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