It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
