sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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