why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
