he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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