My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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