this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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