so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
