doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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