I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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