Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
where are you?
Hypothermia
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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