I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
