please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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